Sunday, September 15, 2013

I need to vent...

I'm feeling emotionally and physically drained. We went up north this weekend and leaving is always the hardest part. Saying good bye and not knowing if it's the last time you will be able to say it is the hardest. So you all know that my mother in law has been battling cancer for the last year and three months. I've never really gone into to much detail here but she started out being diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. She went through a double mastectomy, chemo, and radiation. She learned throughout the process that the cancer then spread to her brain, spine, and other spots in her body. She is now confined to her bed and is on hospice. She has the best care takers by her side day and night! She is at home and being loved. She does have nurses coming in during the week to check on her.
Just a few weeks ago she started having some set backs where she now sees things that aren't there, she can talk to you and answer some questions but she also randomly talks nonsense. I feel like she slips further away every time we see her. Sometimes she looks at you but it's like she is looking through you.
I've said before that I've never lost someone super close to me before and this is the first time I have ever watched someone so close to me suffer. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I feel like I can't even put into words what our family is even going through - so I'm not even going to try.