ready - set - go -
I have no idea what I am doing! No for real - I don't. I look at my life and can't believe it has become what it has become, and I say this only because I still feel like I'm 16 years old (anyone else not feel like an adult). I feel like I should still be asking for permission to leave my house at night or something. I can not believe I own a house - someone let me buy a house. I can't believe I am married - are you kidding me. Of course here's the kicker - I have a child! A real live human that someone let me take out of the hospital and keep and take care of. And I still don't feel like an adult. And did mention I have no idea what I am doing.
I do it but I'm not sure how sometimes. I am always questioning my decisions, especially about Cain, and just want someone to tell me yes do this or no that is not a good idea and most of the time I just get "you just have to do what you think is best you are his mom". Yes that is all fine but you want me - the woman who doesn't like to be left alone at her own house, that someone let her buy, at night by herself in the dark make all these important decisions. That's a lot of pressure. What if I choose the wrong thing? And to my credit he's a happy, healthy, growing boy so we (yes Chris does have something to do with it) must be doing something right.
Just a few weeks ago a doctor came in to see Chris and asked who I was. I told him I was his wife and he gave me a strange look and asked how long we've been married. I told him almost 4 years now and he just looked puzzled as he asked if we had any kids. I said yes a little guy who is 18 months. He said we most certainly didn't look old enough - huh??? I told him that I will be 28 next month and he said oh really I thought that you were maybe 20. I asked if it was the braces and he said no I just look young. So maybe that's why I kinda feel like this. People look at me like I am a teenage mom (and the braces don't help).
Then there is work - I love my job but I can't believe people trust me to do all these things. Like really you want me to do all this. You think I can do it. I feel like I should be asking someone about these important things not making the decision. But my boss has this fortune from a cookie taped on her computer monitor that has kind of become my mantra "trust yourself - you know more then you think". So effing true. I do know what I am doing. I can handle all these things. I can make important calls and guess what they are usually right. But I'd be lying if I said I don't still feel giddy when I eat cookies for dinner just because I'm the mom and I said so. Ha!
Oh and on a totally different note I'm pretty sure our parents had no idea what they were doing. They totally faked it and we turned out alright (well most of us). So here's to faking it!