Monday, January 11, 2010

Death

Today was not such a good day. I don't mean "oh it's Monday and I have to go to work" kind of bad day it was more like "stand outside in the snow and watch a family burry their mother" kind of bad day. 

I fortunately have never lost anyone close to me. I've known lots of people who have passed and some closer then others but never anyone super close to me. I've lost great grandparents (still have one great grandma). I still have all of my grandparents, my parents, etc.

I can not relate to the feelings they shared with each other today. When I looked at their faces I saw sorrow, fright, unimaginable pain, and guilt. We all at some point stand in these people's shoes. We loose the things we love most. May the good memories they have carry them to a place of peace.

This day has also given me a lot to think about regarding my faith, which I must admit has been on the fence a little lately. I want to believe that we meet our loved ones in this majestic place to spend the rest of our eternity. I want to believe it more then anything. When I look at how perfect some things are I believe that He is responsible. When I look at my sons perfect little self I can't help but believe that someone, something, is making miracles. Then I see this other side that is not perfect - far far from it. I see people in pain, suffering. These are the moments when I think that someone, something, would never let this happen. 

Life lessons, everything happens for a reason, fate, who knows...certainly not me.

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